Burning Heart
by Maeusle
Summary: Pre The Party's over. Dean asks himself, what he can do to keep his relationship with Rory alive, but the answer is not like he wants it to be. A OneShot as well for Dean Lovers as for Dean Haters.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Gils, and I also don't own the great song this story is based on. ( "Herz brennt"- Die Toten Hosen)**

**AN: **Even if I don't like Dean, I somehow felt sorry for him, when he and Rory said goodbye for good in "The party is over". When I listened to this´great, sadsong about 2 hours ago, the idea of this OneShot came to my mind and I knew at once, the only possibility to get it out of my head again, was writing it down.  
I haven't sent it to a beta, so I hope there aren't too many mistakes in it.

Anyway, I hope you like it. Here it is:  
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**Burning heart**

It was in the middle of the night, but Dean didn't sleep.  
He didn't sleep, because he was sending a thousand thoughts to Rory.  
Rory…Lorelai Leigh Gilmore .

The girl, who had been his first love.

The girl, he betrayed his wife with.  
The girl, who was largely responsible for his devorce.  
The girl, he was now together with, again.

Yes, Rory Gilmore was his girlfriend for the second time, and he couldn't stop missing her more and more, now that she didn't ly beside him, in his arms.

But at the same time, he had the bad feeling, that even if she lay beside him, he couldn't feel her.  
And he couldn't ignore it. He just couldn't ignore the fear to lose her. Lose her again.

She was at Yale now.  
He knew, she belonged there. She was the smartest person he'd ever known.  
He also knew, that she was happy there. Happy, with her also intelligent student friends.  
He'd never belong to such a place as Yale.  
No. No….No, not him.

He should've been happy for her. He wanted to be happy for her.  
But there it was again: this fear to lose her.  
The fear, that it went well to her, and that she didn't think of him.  
It was a feeling, that hurt him. A rotten feeling, that tormented him so much.

Why couldn't it just be like the first time they were together?  
Like at their beginning time, when it was good only to be in love and hope, that one reaches to the other?

Still staring at his ceilling, Dean sighed and wondered, when the hell the moment had come, when there were the first doubts, whether their way was really endless…

He knew, Rory had the same doubts. He could feel it.  
He could feel it, when she was with him, and one of these awkward silences arose between them.  
He could feel it, when she asked him about one of her articles, and he hadn't even read it.  
He could feel it, when they had the problem, where and when to meet.  
He could feel it, when she told him about Yale, about other students.

He could feel it, and he had to ask himself over and over again, if it was possible for them, to follow one way together, even if they lived in different worlds and their lives leaded in different directions.

Barely.

So,  
what could he do against his burning heart?

What could he do against the flame, that cut deeper and deeper wounds into his soul?

_What can you do, if you're heart is burning and there isn't much left, except the cinder of your love?_

_Huh, what can you do?_

What could he do?

Where did the hatred come from, that newly enticed Rory and him, to attack each other over and over again, enticed them to argue over every little bit of nothing?

Sometime they were even stabbing each other with words, sharp as a razor.

They both didn't want to do it.

They surely both didn't want to cut their love into pieces- yet they were helpless in doing so.

But, what could they do?

It wasn't the same anymore.

Could he make it the same again?  
Could he make it like it was at their beginning time?

Could he do something against his burning heart?

If so, what!

What could he do against his burning heart?

The next evening Dean was standing in front of the Gilmore Mansion, the home of Rory's grandparents.  
He waited for her, leaning patiently against his truck.

She shoud've met him fifteen minutes before.

"Probably Rory has more problems with stealing herself away, that she has thought…" He said to himself and chuckled, as he thought back to the really terrible evening he had once had diner together with Emily and Richard Gilmore.  
God, they had really hated him. Probably they still hated him.

Strangely, Dean wished that evening back.

Not because he wanted to hear again from Richard Gilmore, that he wasn't worth being together with Rory, because he wasn't good enough for her.

No.He wished that evening back, because that evening Rory had defended him and told her grandfather, that she loved him, and that nothing else counted.

All he wanted was hearing Rory say that again.

Just one more time, hearing from her mouth, that she loved him and _nothing else_ counted.

But just when he promised himself again, that they'd make it somehow and that they'd inflame the cinder of their love again, Rory came out of her grandparent's house- followed by several boys.

Obviously his thought, that she was late because of her grandparents, had been wrong.

Obviously Rory had just been having a great time- without him.

And he could read from her face, see in her eyes, that his biggest fear had come true: he had lost her.  
Maybe not completely, yet., but that was only a matter of time.

That moment Dean realized, what he could do against his burning heart.

What he could do against the flame, that cut deeper and deeper wounds into his soul.

What he could do, against the rotten feeling, that tormented him so much.

He realized, what he had refused to see before.

That he couldn't do anything against it.

He couldn't do anything.

Nothing.  
.  
.  
.

He and Rory were over, for good.

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**Feedback, please ;-)**  
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By the way, "Die Toten Hosen" are a famous Punk/Rock band here in Germany. They're really great!

And: Please check out my other story," How Come...?", too...I may sound pathetic, but I reallycare much about that story...


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